losing a friend is never something you ever want, can never anticipate and the loss of a friend can and will affect you with each loss in different ways
the feelings you have when you lose a friend are always a good way of showing you what that friend meant too you
the loss of a friend can feel like no one has left or you could end up feeling like all you want to do is cry your heart out
the worst part of losing a friend is when you find out that the friend you lost meant more to you than you thought with you finding out by a feeling of dread and loneliness from them not being there that causes you to feel like you are lost and alone.
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Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Friendships
Friendships
Friendships no two are ever the same
Friendships can last what seems like only a few minutes or
Can last what seems like an eternity
Friendships are sometimes stronger than the family ties of
Any of the friends
Friendships are sometimes the weirdest of personal relationships
Friendships aren’t always expected or wanted but are almost always
A welcome interaction and distraction at the right time
Friendships are some of the best relationships that anyone can
And will ever have in their lives
Friendships in the end are some of the most important relationships
That we will ever have where they are the relationships we rely on the
Most besides those of ones family
Friendships no two are ever the same
Friendships can last what seems like only a few minutes or
Can last what seems like an eternity
Friendships are sometimes stronger than the family ties of
Any of the friends
Friendships are sometimes the weirdest of personal relationships
Friendships aren’t always expected or wanted but are almost always
A welcome interaction and distraction at the right time
Friendships are some of the best relationships that anyone can
And will ever have in their lives
Friendships in the end are some of the most important relationships
That we will ever have where they are the relationships we rely on the
Most besides those of ones family
Thursday, February 26, 2009
wanting to be something more
Wanting to be something more
How can I let you know that you are the one I want to be with, when it looks
Like you don’t have the same feelings for me
How can we be friends when I feel I cannot let my guard down when it comes to
Expressing my feelings for you out of fear of destroying our friendship
Will there ever be a time where I can openly express my feelings for you with out
It looked on badly
If I had the chance would I be capable of finding out if you want to be something more
With me as well
How can I let you know that you are the one I want to be with, when it looks
Like you don’t have the same feelings for me
How can we be friends when I feel I cannot let my guard down when it comes to
Expressing my feelings for you out of fear of destroying our friendship
Will there ever be a time where I can openly express my feelings for you with out
It looked on badly
If I had the chance would I be capable of finding out if you want to be something more
With me as well
Sunday, February 22, 2009
How can I
How can I
How can I show happy I am when I feel so empty inside
How can I express myself happily when I am full of sadness
How can I be happy for someone who looks like they have friends at every turn
When I feel all alone inside
How can I express how good it feels to be included in things when I feel like
An outsider looking in
How can I show that I belong when I feel like I don’t belong
How do I show someone how much they mean to me when all I feel is a sense
Of longing for someone that isn’t even there
How can I feel so empty inside when there is so much to be happy for
How can I be full of sadness when there is reason for me to express myself happily
How can I feel so alone inside when there are people there wanting to be my friends
How can I feel as if I don’t belong when I have been shown that I belong
How can I feel like an outsider looking in when people are including me in on things
How can I feel a sense of longing when there is someone out there waiting for me to find them
How can I show happy I am when I feel so empty inside
How can I express myself happily when I am full of sadness
How can I be happy for someone who looks like they have friends at every turn
When I feel all alone inside
How can I express how good it feels to be included in things when I feel like
An outsider looking in
How can I show that I belong when I feel like I don’t belong
How do I show someone how much they mean to me when all I feel is a sense
Of longing for someone that isn’t even there
How can I feel so empty inside when there is so much to be happy for
How can I be full of sadness when there is reason for me to express myself happily
How can I feel so alone inside when there are people there wanting to be my friends
How can I feel as if I don’t belong when I have been shown that I belong
How can I feel like an outsider looking in when people are including me in on things
How can I feel a sense of longing when there is someone out there waiting for me to find them
Thursday, February 19, 2009
friendship
Friendship
Friendship isn't always what you expect it to be and can be a wonderous adventure that can go almost anywhere
Friendship is almost never dull since friends are usually comfortable enough to make fools of themselves and each other
friendship may only last a few days or it can last a lifetime
friendship when the friends care show their support in ways that are not always easy to express
friendship provides a level of trust between two or more people that cannot come from any other source
friendship in the end allows people to be friends to the end
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I will be there
I Will Be There
When you feel like there is no light to guide you and you feel lost and alone
All you have to do is call my name and I will be there
While looking ahead all you see are hopes and dreams that have seen better days
And wishing that you had someone to walk beside you I will be there to take
You from the ruins and out of the wreckage
As time goes by and you feel like you weigh less than a shadow on the wall that
Cannot release the anger you have deep down inside, I will be there to lift you up to
Show that you are more than a whisper of a voice unheard
As you start to feel the pain inside of you, you feel as if you have locked yourself up
In the chains that have conquered others even though it isn’t fair for you to feel
That way inside and as the chains start to tighten their grip I will be there to help you
Break those chains and to show you that you don’t have to hold yourself down
And show you that all you have to do is hold on for things to go your way
With the days going by the only regret would be that you would not have been there
For me to call a real friend when I needed a friend and someone to believe in just as much as you needed
the same from me
When you feel like there is no light to guide you and you feel lost and alone
All you have to do is call my name and I will be there
While looking ahead all you see are hopes and dreams that have seen better days
And wishing that you had someone to walk beside you I will be there to take
You from the ruins and out of the wreckage
As time goes by and you feel like you weigh less than a shadow on the wall that
Cannot release the anger you have deep down inside, I will be there to lift you up to
Show that you are more than a whisper of a voice unheard
As you start to feel the pain inside of you, you feel as if you have locked yourself up
In the chains that have conquered others even though it isn’t fair for you to feel
That way inside and as the chains start to tighten their grip I will be there to help you
Break those chains and to show you that you don’t have to hold yourself down
And show you that all you have to do is hold on for things to go your way
With the days going by the only regret would be that you would not have been there
For me to call a real friend when I needed a friend and someone to believe in just as much as you needed
the same from me
Saturday, December 6, 2008
A Friend
A friend
A friend is someone who we can associate with
A friend is someone who is someone who can keep us company
A friend is someone who we can turn to when we need someone to understand
A friend is someone who will push us to do better when we haven’t the energy to keep going
A friend is someone who always seems to find just the right way to get under our skin but yet
Keep us coming back for more
A friend is someone who always seems to know when they are needed
A friend is someone who we can talk to when there is no one else to talk too
A friend is someone who is missed when they are not there
A friend is someone who will stand by you when you need someone there even when
They are behind the scene helping you stay on sure footing
A friend is someone who looks up to you without knowing that you are looking up to
Them as well
A friend is someone who without knowing is seeking to do things to ask for acceptance
From those he considers his friends
A friend in the end is someone who is working hard for approval from those he feels he needs
Approval from without knowing that he already has done more than enough to earn the approval of those
Who call him friend
A friend is someone who we can associate with
A friend is someone who is someone who can keep us company
A friend is someone who we can turn to when we need someone to understand
A friend is someone who will push us to do better when we haven’t the energy to keep going
A friend is someone who always seems to find just the right way to get under our skin but yet
Keep us coming back for more
A friend is someone who always seems to know when they are needed
A friend is someone who we can talk to when there is no one else to talk too
A friend is someone who is missed when they are not there
A friend is someone who will stand by you when you need someone there even when
They are behind the scene helping you stay on sure footing
A friend is someone who looks up to you without knowing that you are looking up to
Them as well
A friend is someone who without knowing is seeking to do things to ask for acceptance
From those he considers his friends
A friend in the end is someone who is working hard for approval from those he feels he needs
Approval from without knowing that he already has done more than enough to earn the approval of those
Who call him friend
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Just once
Just Once
Just once I wish I could tell you how I really feel for you
If only I could read through all of the different signals that you have
Been sending my way
Just once I wish that you cold show me how you really feel whether it be
Just friend or more
If only I could get past the feeling that you are unsure of yourself
Around me given your action
Just once I wish I could understand why your body language suggests one
Thing when explaining something’s but yet state the exact opposite
If only I could be who I want to be with you
Just once I wish I could tell you how I really feel for you
If only I could read through all of the different signals that you have
Been sending my way
Just once I wish that you cold show me how you really feel whether it be
Just friend or more
If only I could get past the feeling that you are unsure of yourself
Around me given your action
Just once I wish I could understand why your body language suggests one
Thing when explaining something’s but yet state the exact opposite
If only I could be who I want to be with you
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
until our paths cross again
Until our paths cross again
Even though this short period of time flew by so quickly it seems like
An eternity has passed since you left
As the days go by the pain lessens with time but it never really subsides
Even as the memories we hold so dear seem to fade into memories that appear
Long ago and far away that we try so hard to recall
While we learn to go on with out you in our lives we can never really forget
Your treasured friendship, your valued insight and your unwavering
Love that was always unending
Though you are gone we all look forward to the day that God has set aside for you
To be there to welcome us home and until that day we wish you the best of journeys
That will bring you back to us that day that our paths with cross again
Even though this short period of time flew by so quickly it seems like
An eternity has passed since you left
As the days go by the pain lessens with time but it never really subsides
Even as the memories we hold so dear seem to fade into memories that appear
Long ago and far away that we try so hard to recall
While we learn to go on with out you in our lives we can never really forget
Your treasured friendship, your valued insight and your unwavering
Love that was always unending
Though you are gone we all look forward to the day that God has set aside for you
To be there to welcome us home and until that day we wish you the best of journeys
That will bring you back to us that day that our paths with cross again
Friday, June 27, 2008
The Symphony of Life
The symphony of life
Though the years of life you find that with each passing year
You discover new ways and find new faces that add to their own
Unique ways of showing you the good and the bad
As each new thing you do and each new friend you make you find that
It becomes more of a melody and even though it may not always be
Harmonious you find that you would not trade them in for something
Else due to the way they pull on your heart strings
And as you find the one who will make those heart strings feel more
Alive you find over time that you have now grown in ways you could never
Have imagined and as your family grows you teach your family those same
Melodies that have made you who you are today, while they instinctively try
To do things to the beat of their own drum that hasn’t been fine tuned
While it is trying for everyone they eventually learn those melodies that
Will eventually guide them they learn to play those melodies in their own
Unique ways showing you that what you have tried to teach them for so long
Really did take hold even though they didn’t let you see it happen
With the years passing and the children that you have raised show that they
Now have a family and come home to show you that they are teaching those same
Melodies to their children that you taught to them many years ago letting you
Know that for them you are the maestro in a symphony, a symphony that this
The symphony of life that they are more than happy to be a part of and would not
Have it any other way
And through the years as the family gets bigger the more melodious it becomes as
Each new member enters on cue strumming on the heart strings as they learn
Where their part is and how to play those heart strings in unison that allows it to
Become harmonious with everyone else
Though the years of life you find that with each passing year
You discover new ways and find new faces that add to their own
Unique ways of showing you the good and the bad
As each new thing you do and each new friend you make you find that
It becomes more of a melody and even though it may not always be
Harmonious you find that you would not trade them in for something
Else due to the way they pull on your heart strings
And as you find the one who will make those heart strings feel more
Alive you find over time that you have now grown in ways you could never
Have imagined and as your family grows you teach your family those same
Melodies that have made you who you are today, while they instinctively try
To do things to the beat of their own drum that hasn’t been fine tuned
While it is trying for everyone they eventually learn those melodies that
Will eventually guide them they learn to play those melodies in their own
Unique ways showing you that what you have tried to teach them for so long
Really did take hold even though they didn’t let you see it happen
With the years passing and the children that you have raised show that they
Now have a family and come home to show you that they are teaching those same
Melodies to their children that you taught to them many years ago letting you
Know that for them you are the maestro in a symphony, a symphony that this
The symphony of life that they are more than happy to be a part of and would not
Have it any other way
And through the years as the family gets bigger the more melodious it becomes as
Each new member enters on cue strumming on the heart strings as they learn
Where their part is and how to play those heart strings in unison that allows it to
Become harmonious with everyone else
Friday, April 11, 2008
a playground in your memories
A playground in your memories
As time goes by and you find that you are yearning for something that cannot
Be explained you find that the best thing to do is remember the good times that
You always seemed to have when you were a child and had no worries other
Than whether your friends could come out and be there with you to keep you company
When you go home and pass by all those places that held some special meaning
To you in your childhood you cannot help but stop and relive in you memory all of
The good times you had there while saying to yourself I remember calling you friend
To that one spot as you wish to yourself that you could return to your playground
The way that it was, when you were young
Even though it use to be the one place you could go, you quietly realize that
You cannot return to your playground, the one place where you know your innocence
Still lives and the one place where no matter your pain you were able to hold your
Head up high from the comfort it gave through those friendships you forged
And those hardships pushed aside even for those short periods of fun and laughter
And even though you know you can’t go back you realize that your childhood wishes,
Your childhood dreams all came true, making you the person you are today,
A person who now sees that same happiness in their children and wishing that they
To create some of those same memories with their friends
As time goes by and you find that you are yearning for something that cannot
Be explained you find that the best thing to do is remember the good times that
You always seemed to have when you were a child and had no worries other
Than whether your friends could come out and be there with you to keep you company
When you go home and pass by all those places that held some special meaning
To you in your childhood you cannot help but stop and relive in you memory all of
The good times you had there while saying to yourself I remember calling you friend
To that one spot as you wish to yourself that you could return to your playground
The way that it was, when you were young
Even though it use to be the one place you could go, you quietly realize that
You cannot return to your playground, the one place where you know your innocence
Still lives and the one place where no matter your pain you were able to hold your
Head up high from the comfort it gave through those friendships you forged
And those hardships pushed aside even for those short periods of fun and laughter
And even though you know you can’t go back you realize that your childhood wishes,
Your childhood dreams all came true, making you the person you are today,
A person who now sees that same happiness in their children and wishing that they
To create some of those same memories with their friends
Saturday, December 22, 2007
For a friend, text of a card I made for her retirement
With the hard earned retirement approaching,
everyone is happy that you are finally getting the
well deserved retirement.
At the same time we are saddened by the fact we will
no longer have you here everyday to brighten our day and
will miss you dearly, leaving only the memories that everyone
will cherish.
everyone is happy that you are finally getting the
well deserved retirement.
At the same time we are saddened by the fact we will
no longer have you here everyday to brighten our day and
will miss you dearly, leaving only the memories that everyone
will cherish.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
The Brownstone (fictional story) page 5 of 5
As I looked around the room I noticed the people who had been sitting outside on the front steps who I thought I had known for years even though they acted as if they had just met me that morning, I also noticed family and friends that I knew, I knew but yet my friends looked different. My friends looked like they should be the ones that I had to walk through on the steps. As I started to mingle with everyone, I started feeling as if I was returning home rather than having just buying the house. As the party went on I felt as if it was good to be home and that it had been a long time since I had seen the old house which as good, if not better then when I left.
After the party was over and the staff settled in for the night with the exception of the guy I sat there in the living room in front of the mantle piece with the guy he welcomed me home and said it has been a long time since I had left that he was truly grateful that I had returned home because all he could do was wait for my return so he would have someone to care for and looked forward to taking care of my children and my children’s children. With that I nodded off to sleep and as I was almost sleeping I could hear the guy talking to himself and thanking the house almost mumbling under his breath trying not to wake me and to keep me from hearing him say it.
the end
After the party was over and the staff settled in for the night with the exception of the guy I sat there in the living room in front of the mantle piece with the guy he welcomed me home and said it has been a long time since I had left that he was truly grateful that I had returned home because all he could do was wait for my return so he would have someone to care for and looked forward to taking care of my children and my children’s children. With that I nodded off to sleep and as I was almost sleeping I could hear the guy talking to himself and thanking the house almost mumbling under his breath trying not to wake me and to keep me from hearing him say it.
the end
The Brownston (fictional story) page 4 of 5
These people when I walked up to them felt like old friends like I had them as friends since childhood but yet I could tell that they didn’t see me the same way but yet they were sitting at what I thought was my favorite hang out place. When I came up to the group of people one of the people could see that I was perplexed and asked what was wrong, before I got the nerve to respond a guy, the guy came out of the front door and walked down the front steps through the people and said he was glad to see that I could make it today so that way we could finalize the purchase of the brownstone which perplexed me even more.
Even though I was perplexed by the fact that I was buying what I remembered to be an abandoned house I felt as though I remembered going through the whole process of buying the house but could not come up with a single specific memory relating to the whole thing. When I was directed to the front door I started walking and felt a foreboding shutter go right through my body making me want to run but I kept walking to do something that I didn’t know that I was doing until that very moment. As the guy opened up the door I felt as if there was nothing there behind me but darkness but when I turned around I could still see the people just sitting there.
As I passed through the doorway I could see a doorway at the far end of the living room a sizable living room with the closest piece of furniture that looked like it was someone’s attempt of combining two different classic pieces of furniture. This piece of furniture looked like it was suppose to be a telephone table but instead of a chair attachment it was a loveseat with a table at either end. As I got a better look around the other pieces of furniture didn’t stand out but what did stand out was the various indistinct paintings and pictures on the wall that went from the front door to the doorway on the other side of the living room. The largest painting was hanging over a mantle piece and the people in it seemed distorted.
The guy directed me to a table and chairs that somehow appeared out of nowhere since I didn’t see them there when I walked in and didn’t see anyone bring them in. As I walked over to the table I noticed that even though the living room was well lit there appeared to be no light fixtures anywhere in the room and noticed that there seemed to be a spot on the floor that seemed strangely out of place for the house but yet it was in a place where I felt there should be a dark hole in the floor but yet it just seemed like a dark spot in the floor. I asked what had happened there and the guy just said that the people who had been living there had problems there.
I started to walk over there and half expected the guy to stop me but he didn’t and it was a solid floor when I stepped on it. When I walked over to the guy who was already sitting down at the table with the paperwork out ready for me to look over and sign. While we were going over the paperwork the guy was telling me that the house came with its own staff for which I could keep or replace if I chose but he thought I should get to know the people who worked there before making my decision. After the paperwork was looked over and signed things slowly started to change as the guy got up and said that he would inform the staff that they had a new owner which struck me as very odd.
As he got up and walked through the doorway opposite the front door, I got up and started walking around looking at the paintings and the pictures and noticed that they were now very distinctive with memories I had from childhood that almost seemed to come to life while looking at the pictures and remembered what had transpired on those days. Some of the pictures were of things that I seem to remember that no one had a camera with them but yet there were pictures on the wall. The paintings including the large one over the mantle piece had come into focus with the one over the mantle piece being myself and looking as if it was an old painting but yet new at the same time.
By the time the guy returned he was somehow different yet was still the same person. He was no longer acting as if he was a realtor but rather a butler who had been working for him for a great many years. It felt comfortable to treat him as an old friend but yet as an employee at the same time. With the slightest of gestures he motioned me to the doorway for which I seemed to remember being darkened and felt as though I wasn’t permitted to go through. I walked up to it, nothing happened and as I walked through it the lights came on and a room full of people yelled out welcome home.
Even though I was perplexed by the fact that I was buying what I remembered to be an abandoned house I felt as though I remembered going through the whole process of buying the house but could not come up with a single specific memory relating to the whole thing. When I was directed to the front door I started walking and felt a foreboding shutter go right through my body making me want to run but I kept walking to do something that I didn’t know that I was doing until that very moment. As the guy opened up the door I felt as if there was nothing there behind me but darkness but when I turned around I could still see the people just sitting there.
As I passed through the doorway I could see a doorway at the far end of the living room a sizable living room with the closest piece of furniture that looked like it was someone’s attempt of combining two different classic pieces of furniture. This piece of furniture looked like it was suppose to be a telephone table but instead of a chair attachment it was a loveseat with a table at either end. As I got a better look around the other pieces of furniture didn’t stand out but what did stand out was the various indistinct paintings and pictures on the wall that went from the front door to the doorway on the other side of the living room. The largest painting was hanging over a mantle piece and the people in it seemed distorted.
The guy directed me to a table and chairs that somehow appeared out of nowhere since I didn’t see them there when I walked in and didn’t see anyone bring them in. As I walked over to the table I noticed that even though the living room was well lit there appeared to be no light fixtures anywhere in the room and noticed that there seemed to be a spot on the floor that seemed strangely out of place for the house but yet it was in a place where I felt there should be a dark hole in the floor but yet it just seemed like a dark spot in the floor. I asked what had happened there and the guy just said that the people who had been living there had problems there.
I started to walk over there and half expected the guy to stop me but he didn’t and it was a solid floor when I stepped on it. When I walked over to the guy who was already sitting down at the table with the paperwork out ready for me to look over and sign. While we were going over the paperwork the guy was telling me that the house came with its own staff for which I could keep or replace if I chose but he thought I should get to know the people who worked there before making my decision. After the paperwork was looked over and signed things slowly started to change as the guy got up and said that he would inform the staff that they had a new owner which struck me as very odd.
As he got up and walked through the doorway opposite the front door, I got up and started walking around looking at the paintings and the pictures and noticed that they were now very distinctive with memories I had from childhood that almost seemed to come to life while looking at the pictures and remembered what had transpired on those days. Some of the pictures were of things that I seem to remember that no one had a camera with them but yet there were pictures on the wall. The paintings including the large one over the mantle piece had come into focus with the one over the mantle piece being myself and looking as if it was an old painting but yet new at the same time.
By the time the guy returned he was somehow different yet was still the same person. He was no longer acting as if he was a realtor but rather a butler who had been working for him for a great many years. It felt comfortable to treat him as an old friend but yet as an employee at the same time. With the slightest of gestures he motioned me to the doorway for which I seemed to remember being darkened and felt as though I wasn’t permitted to go through. I walked up to it, nothing happened and as I walked through it the lights came on and a room full of people yelled out welcome home.
The Brownstone (fictional story) page 3 of 5
The guy said “it’s the house trying to keep you out of that doorway you keep wanting to look into because it knows the servants have not readied it for you” which answered part of the question but not all of it. When asked about why it was leading to the abyss he simply said “anyway to keep you from looking” at the same time I realized I was going to go nowhere with the line of questioning I decided to check out a theory that I was developing and started just glancing at the pictures and oil paintings while picking up my pace towards the abyss.
The guy asked me “what is going on, do you really want to be by that hole?” but would not tell me why he was asking and was getting fearful of what I was doing. As I got closer to the abyss the further the guy got from me because he feared the abyss but still would not tell me why he was so fearful of it. As I glanced at the pictures while working my way over to the abyss I noticed that this stranger of a guy was actually in some of the pictures with my family and it looked like he was a caretaker of some sort in them. After I got to with in a few feet of the abyss the guy was talking more to himself than to me because all he could do was mumble about something, something he didn’t want me to hear.
What he was mumbling was barely audible to me and even though he was mumbling to himself what he was saying was somewhat disturbing, he was talking as if he was questioning why I was heading to the abyss while at the same time questioning the house as to why it was letting me walk up to the abyss but not let me see what was in the next room. With in a few minutes he was frightened by the fact that I was so close to the edge of the abyss, saying he did his best to stop me from going where I wasn’t wanted which sounded like he was telling this to the house.
Then he said that he didn’t want me to find out what was in the abyss because it would mean it would he would have to leave the house his master to bring me back. He was genuinely afraid of me being there at the edge of the abyss and by the time I was trying to look down into the abyss he was curled up in a ball rocking back and forth mumbling out loud but to himself that he didn’t want to go and that it wasn’t right that the house let me look because he didn’t want me to see what was in the abyss. He didn’t want me to be able to see that it was the way out of the house, a way home, and a way to the home I knew, the home I actually remembered and not this place that seemed so foreign to me.
When I tried to turn and walk over to him I turned into what felt like a brick wall for which I bounced off of right into the abyss, and as I fell backwards into the abyss time seemed to move real slow and seen the guy get up and try to rush over to the abyss to catch me but he was moving just as slowly as the time was. The last thing I seen before all went black from the abyss was the guy being hit with an invisible force that sent him flying, flying right for the darkened doorway that the house was trying to keep me from peering into. With that all went black and it felt like I was falling into nothingness and then there was nothing almost like the state between dreaming and being awake.
The next thing I remember I was woken up by my alarm clock which was odd since I didn’t remember ever going home let alone setting my alarm clock and going to bed. When I tried to remember what had happened the day before that would have me black out like that all I could remember was sitting on the front steps of the old abandoned brownstone with some friends. When I got up and got dressed, things were as I remembered them but yet they were somehow different almost as if there were subtle changes to the details that I could not put my finger on.
As I went through my normal weekend routine I noticed more subtle changes in different places but the biggest differences were in recognizing certain people I knew almost like it was the first time I ever seen them. I had gotten the surprise of my life when I walked up to my favorite hang out which was the front steps of the old abandoned brownstone, instead of the brownstone looking like it was long since abandoned it looked brand new and a few people were there that I recognized as people I somehow knew but I didn’t know why. They were people I recognized from what seemed like a dream from the night before, a dream for which I seen them as friends all except for one.
The guy asked me “what is going on, do you really want to be by that hole?” but would not tell me why he was asking and was getting fearful of what I was doing. As I got closer to the abyss the further the guy got from me because he feared the abyss but still would not tell me why he was so fearful of it. As I glanced at the pictures while working my way over to the abyss I noticed that this stranger of a guy was actually in some of the pictures with my family and it looked like he was a caretaker of some sort in them. After I got to with in a few feet of the abyss the guy was talking more to himself than to me because all he could do was mumble about something, something he didn’t want me to hear.
What he was mumbling was barely audible to me and even though he was mumbling to himself what he was saying was somewhat disturbing, he was talking as if he was questioning why I was heading to the abyss while at the same time questioning the house as to why it was letting me walk up to the abyss but not let me see what was in the next room. With in a few minutes he was frightened by the fact that I was so close to the edge of the abyss, saying he did his best to stop me from going where I wasn’t wanted which sounded like he was telling this to the house.
Then he said that he didn’t want me to find out what was in the abyss because it would mean it would he would have to leave the house his master to bring me back. He was genuinely afraid of me being there at the edge of the abyss and by the time I was trying to look down into the abyss he was curled up in a ball rocking back and forth mumbling out loud but to himself that he didn’t want to go and that it wasn’t right that the house let me look because he didn’t want me to see what was in the abyss. He didn’t want me to be able to see that it was the way out of the house, a way home, and a way to the home I knew, the home I actually remembered and not this place that seemed so foreign to me.
When I tried to turn and walk over to him I turned into what felt like a brick wall for which I bounced off of right into the abyss, and as I fell backwards into the abyss time seemed to move real slow and seen the guy get up and try to rush over to the abyss to catch me but he was moving just as slowly as the time was. The last thing I seen before all went black from the abyss was the guy being hit with an invisible force that sent him flying, flying right for the darkened doorway that the house was trying to keep me from peering into. With that all went black and it felt like I was falling into nothingness and then there was nothing almost like the state between dreaming and being awake.
The next thing I remember I was woken up by my alarm clock which was odd since I didn’t remember ever going home let alone setting my alarm clock and going to bed. When I tried to remember what had happened the day before that would have me black out like that all I could remember was sitting on the front steps of the old abandoned brownstone with some friends. When I got up and got dressed, things were as I remembered them but yet they were somehow different almost as if there were subtle changes to the details that I could not put my finger on.
As I went through my normal weekend routine I noticed more subtle changes in different places but the biggest differences were in recognizing certain people I knew almost like it was the first time I ever seen them. I had gotten the surprise of my life when I walked up to my favorite hang out which was the front steps of the old abandoned brownstone, instead of the brownstone looking like it was long since abandoned it looked brand new and a few people were there that I recognized as people I somehow knew but I didn’t know why. They were people I recognized from what seemed like a dream from the night before, a dream for which I seen them as friends all except for one.
The Brownstone (fictional story) page 2 of 5
As he welcomed me I could not help but wonder what was going on and asked “I thought I was not welcome here”. After giving a bewildered look for a few moments the guy said “you were not welcome here together as a group” for which there was bewilderment from the guy who then said “it has been a long time since you left and we were trying to make sure everything was perfect for your return”. As I stood there bewildered he sensed that I didn’t know what he was talking about but struggled to find the words to give an adequate explanation.
After a few agonizing minutes which seemed like hours he asked “do you remember who I am” then looked lost as I just shook my head in response unable to find the words a few moments later I mustered enough to ask “what happened to all of my friend that I was in there with” for which he said “those were not friends they were people who have worked here that had to go looking for you and bring you home”. As the guy tried to ease the feelings I had the house was slowly starting to spruce itself up almost like there were invisible workers cleaning up and polishing where needed, then the bed disappeared and in its place was an old bench that was more of an elongated telephone table.
As I looked around the living room more details came into light that were not there before including old turn of the century pictures and old oil paintings. Of the oil paintings the largest one the closest one which now hung over the mantle piece was a large one that had me in it but it wasn’t me. The painting has what looked like my great grandparents but a lot younger than I remembered but it also had others in the painting as well people who looked like I should know them but yet unable to recognize them.
As the old turn of the century pictures came into focus I walked up to get a closer look at them and there were some that were even older. They were so old that you could tell that they were taken when photography was still relatively new but yet there I was again even younger with the people who looked like my great grandparents and this time there were other people there that looked like they could be the parents of my great grandparents all of who looked really young. As I looked at the pictures and paintings on the walls, the guy came out and said “this house is yours, it is your birthright, it is your home and it is calling you home for it misses you dearly”.
While looking at the pictures I started remembering some of the moments in the pictures but they didn’t seem like they happened ages ago but rather a few years ago and the memories started coming back like those moments happened just yesterday. As I moved on to the oil paintings other than the one over the mantle piece none of the paintings looked familiar with the exception of one for which the guy told me that I had painted myself. As we moved along I was trying to make my way to the darkened doorway that even with all of the new detail was still darkened and the guy was trying to prevent me from peering into the room because he was saving it for after I remembered who I was.
As I tried harder and harder to get to the darkened doorway the more he tried to keep me from peering into it until I finally asked “if this is all mine then why can’t I see into a room that is mine” for which he said “it isn’t ready for you to enter it” without knowing what he was talking about I asked “why would that be” which brought a puzzled look to his face and he tried to mutter a few words and could not, then was forced to abandon his attempts to keep me from peering in. As he let me walk up to the darkened doorway I started having trouble walking closer and closer to it until I hit what felt like a brick wall but there was nothing there.
After being stopped in place the woman looked out at me as she was passing the door and said “you can’t come in here yet we’re not ready to have you” so I went back to the walls of pictures and looked at more of the pictures since I could not get any closer to the darkened doorway. The fact that I wasn’t allowed to peer into the darkened doorway didn’t stop me from trying to get closer and closer and actually noticed that the house seemed to be leading me to the abyss at the side of the door instead of the darkened doorway. When I finally realized that I decided to ask “if this is my birthright to be here in my home then why am I being led back towards the front door and on the side of the hole in the floor”?
After a few agonizing minutes which seemed like hours he asked “do you remember who I am” then looked lost as I just shook my head in response unable to find the words a few moments later I mustered enough to ask “what happened to all of my friend that I was in there with” for which he said “those were not friends they were people who have worked here that had to go looking for you and bring you home”. As the guy tried to ease the feelings I had the house was slowly starting to spruce itself up almost like there were invisible workers cleaning up and polishing where needed, then the bed disappeared and in its place was an old bench that was more of an elongated telephone table.
As I looked around the living room more details came into light that were not there before including old turn of the century pictures and old oil paintings. Of the oil paintings the largest one the closest one which now hung over the mantle piece was a large one that had me in it but it wasn’t me. The painting has what looked like my great grandparents but a lot younger than I remembered but it also had others in the painting as well people who looked like I should know them but yet unable to recognize them.
As the old turn of the century pictures came into focus I walked up to get a closer look at them and there were some that were even older. They were so old that you could tell that they were taken when photography was still relatively new but yet there I was again even younger with the people who looked like my great grandparents and this time there were other people there that looked like they could be the parents of my great grandparents all of who looked really young. As I looked at the pictures and paintings on the walls, the guy came out and said “this house is yours, it is your birthright, it is your home and it is calling you home for it misses you dearly”.
While looking at the pictures I started remembering some of the moments in the pictures but they didn’t seem like they happened ages ago but rather a few years ago and the memories started coming back like those moments happened just yesterday. As I moved on to the oil paintings other than the one over the mantle piece none of the paintings looked familiar with the exception of one for which the guy told me that I had painted myself. As we moved along I was trying to make my way to the darkened doorway that even with all of the new detail was still darkened and the guy was trying to prevent me from peering into the room because he was saving it for after I remembered who I was.
As I tried harder and harder to get to the darkened doorway the more he tried to keep me from peering into it until I finally asked “if this is all mine then why can’t I see into a room that is mine” for which he said “it isn’t ready for you to enter it” without knowing what he was talking about I asked “why would that be” which brought a puzzled look to his face and he tried to mutter a few words and could not, then was forced to abandon his attempts to keep me from peering in. As he let me walk up to the darkened doorway I started having trouble walking closer and closer to it until I hit what felt like a brick wall but there was nothing there.
After being stopped in place the woman looked out at me as she was passing the door and said “you can’t come in here yet we’re not ready to have you” so I went back to the walls of pictures and looked at more of the pictures since I could not get any closer to the darkened doorway. The fact that I wasn’t allowed to peer into the darkened doorway didn’t stop me from trying to get closer and closer and actually noticed that the house seemed to be leading me to the abyss at the side of the door instead of the darkened doorway. When I finally realized that I decided to ask “if this is my birthright to be here in my home then why am I being led back towards the front door and on the side of the hole in the floor”?
The Brownstone (fictional story) page 1 of 5
Sitting around outside with a few friends by this brownstone house that had fallen into disrepair with no visible sign of someone stepping foot into it in many years and with many attempts to see beyond the wooden planks that boarded up the windows from the inside failing, we noticed that the house itself was beginning to stir to life.
The windows which had become brown with age showed some light faint of life with a subtle dropping of one planks in the window closest to the stairs, which should have allowed someone to peer into the home but it was as black as could be. As we moved up the steps to take a look inside no one could see into the house due to it being dark inside even with flashlights that a couple of us had.
The door seemed to have become unlocked, so I tried the door and found that that it really was unlocked even though it had always been locked before and that the lock was visibly rusted in place. The doorknob had creaked and was kind of hard to move but it did move and you could hear the door move ever so slightly when the piece that kept the door in place slipped into the door when the knob turned. It ended up being stuck in place from not being opened in a great many years, but with some force I did manage to open the door and I practically fell in onto the floor or at least what was suppose to be the floor and would have fallen in if it wasn’t for a friend catching me.
When I looked up I noticed that the room was lit but I could not see any type of light source and the room was just as brown with age as the windows were. I then looked down at the spot in the floor that I would have fallen on onto and found that there was no floor there but rather a small abyss that was as black as the inside of the house was before the lighting came on. At first there was nothing there then an unmade bed slowly began to appear as we were looking around and from that bed a guy got up out of the bed came almost right up to us and said you are not welcome here.
As we stood there looking around we found ourselves unable to enter past the doorway but yet unable to move away from it either for the front steps had become a small closet like room with just the top few steps there that we stood on. Every few minutes the same guy would get out of bed and tell us the same thing over and over again “you’re not welcome here” then walk about for a couple minutes and then go back to bed. After what seemed like hours we noticed a darkened doorway at the far side of the room directly in front of us. From that we started hearing noises coming from the darkened doorway and then eventually a woman pushing large pieces of kitchen furnishings.
These furnishings were not restricted to kitchen tables or chairs but rather included counter tops and stoves and even a movable sink. As she did this she looked out into the room we were looking into but appeared to not take notice of us being kept in the doorway. As time went by the front steps we occupied and the doorway we were in seem to shrink and each time it appeared to shrink someone disappeared and after a little while the person reappeared in the room on the far side of the living room with helping the woman moving the kitchen furnishings around.
The person who had disappeared from the front steps only to reappear in the house didn’t seem to remember or to see that there were friends of his on the far side of the living room past that darkened doorway looking into the house. The look that each person had on his face was that of someone who had belonged there as a servant and was trying to get the house ready for someone to come or something to happen.
As my friends disappeared from the front steps the doorway got smaller and smaller until I was the only one left and a little while after the last of the friends disappeared from the steps and reappeared in the darkened doorway helping the woman the guy who had been getting out of bed saying you’re not welcome here got up one last time and walked over to what was left of the doorway into the living room and as he got up to the door, what ever was keeping everyone from entering the living room released itself. After that happened he didn’t come out and say what I had expected him to say but rather said welcome home.
The windows which had become brown with age showed some light faint of life with a subtle dropping of one planks in the window closest to the stairs, which should have allowed someone to peer into the home but it was as black as could be. As we moved up the steps to take a look inside no one could see into the house due to it being dark inside even with flashlights that a couple of us had.
The door seemed to have become unlocked, so I tried the door and found that that it really was unlocked even though it had always been locked before and that the lock was visibly rusted in place. The doorknob had creaked and was kind of hard to move but it did move and you could hear the door move ever so slightly when the piece that kept the door in place slipped into the door when the knob turned. It ended up being stuck in place from not being opened in a great many years, but with some force I did manage to open the door and I practically fell in onto the floor or at least what was suppose to be the floor and would have fallen in if it wasn’t for a friend catching me.
When I looked up I noticed that the room was lit but I could not see any type of light source and the room was just as brown with age as the windows were. I then looked down at the spot in the floor that I would have fallen on onto and found that there was no floor there but rather a small abyss that was as black as the inside of the house was before the lighting came on. At first there was nothing there then an unmade bed slowly began to appear as we were looking around and from that bed a guy got up out of the bed came almost right up to us and said you are not welcome here.
As we stood there looking around we found ourselves unable to enter past the doorway but yet unable to move away from it either for the front steps had become a small closet like room with just the top few steps there that we stood on. Every few minutes the same guy would get out of bed and tell us the same thing over and over again “you’re not welcome here” then walk about for a couple minutes and then go back to bed. After what seemed like hours we noticed a darkened doorway at the far side of the room directly in front of us. From that we started hearing noises coming from the darkened doorway and then eventually a woman pushing large pieces of kitchen furnishings.
These furnishings were not restricted to kitchen tables or chairs but rather included counter tops and stoves and even a movable sink. As she did this she looked out into the room we were looking into but appeared to not take notice of us being kept in the doorway. As time went by the front steps we occupied and the doorway we were in seem to shrink and each time it appeared to shrink someone disappeared and after a little while the person reappeared in the room on the far side of the living room with helping the woman moving the kitchen furnishings around.
The person who had disappeared from the front steps only to reappear in the house didn’t seem to remember or to see that there were friends of his on the far side of the living room past that darkened doorway looking into the house. The look that each person had on his face was that of someone who had belonged there as a servant and was trying to get the house ready for someone to come or something to happen.
As my friends disappeared from the front steps the doorway got smaller and smaller until I was the only one left and a little while after the last of the friends disappeared from the steps and reappeared in the darkened doorway helping the woman the guy who had been getting out of bed saying you’re not welcome here got up one last time and walked over to what was left of the doorway into the living room and as he got up to the door, what ever was keeping everyone from entering the living room released itself. After that happened he didn’t come out and say what I had expected him to say but rather said welcome home.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Reflections
In the reflecting pool we see the reflections of the past
And the reflections of our hopes and dreams
In the eyes of children we see the reflections of our past
And see them as we once were
In times of adversity we see the reflections of the good
Times in our lives that forces us to keep going
In natures simplicity we see the reflections of simpler times
That helps us get past today’s complexities
From the trust we see in our pets we see the reflections of the trust we had
When we were young and had had no reason not to trust
When we see the happiness that a child has for life we see the reflections
Of some of the happiest times in our lives
The reflections we have in our lives, allow us to be everything we need to be to the people who we call our family, our friends and especially the children in our lives
In the reflecting pool we see the reflections of the past
And the reflections of our hopes and dreams
In the eyes of children we see the reflections of our past
And see them as we once were
In times of adversity we see the reflections of the good
Times in our lives that forces us to keep going
In natures simplicity we see the reflections of simpler times
That helps us get past today’s complexities
From the trust we see in our pets we see the reflections of the trust we had
When we were young and had had no reason not to trust
When we see the happiness that a child has for life we see the reflections
Of some of the happiest times in our lives
The reflections we have in our lives, allow us to be everything we need to be to the people who we call our family, our friends and especially the children in our lives
trust
Trust
Trust is in knowing that you can depend on what you know when you need to know it
Trust is in knowing that your family will not let you down in times of need
Trust is in knowing that your friends will be there for you in times of need
Trust is in the help you get from the strangers who stop and help you when times get rough
Trust is in knowing that you will be there for your family when they need you
Trust is in knowing that you will help your friends when they need someone to help them
Trust is in knowing that you will be that stranger that stops to help someone else when they need the help
Trust is in knowing that you will be there for anyone who needs your help regardless of what they have done to you or may do to you
Trust is in knowing that you will be the person you need to be when the time comes to be there
Trust is in knowing that you can depend on what you know when you need to know it
Trust is in knowing that your family will not let you down in times of need
Trust is in knowing that your friends will be there for you in times of need
Trust is in the help you get from the strangers who stop and help you when times get rough
Trust is in knowing that you will be there for your family when they need you
Trust is in knowing that you will help your friends when they need someone to help them
Trust is in knowing that you will be that stranger that stops to help someone else when they need the help
Trust is in knowing that you will be there for anyone who needs your help regardless of what they have done to you or may do to you
Trust is in knowing that you will be the person you need to be when the time comes to be there
Saturday, June 2, 2007
friends are
Friends are the people who you meet in life
That end up staying with you
Friends are the people who you can hang out with
Anywhere and anywhere regardless of the time
Friends are the ones who will not berate you or
Belittle you no matter what you do
Friends are the people will lend a hand when two hands
Are not enough when everyone else looks the other way
Friends are the one who will support you when you need it
Even when no one else will or can
Friends are the ones who know how to embarrass you just at the
Right moment with a story that you would like to forget
Friends are willing to accept you regardless of any
Faults you may have
Friends are able to deal with you when you are at your
Worst and then be able to laugh at it afterwards
Friends in the end are like family members that have never
Grown apart from each other over time
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